Entry #3 – The Art of Music

In every brown person’s life, a situation will arise when he/she will need to give a ride or carpool with a white person without notification ahead of time. This limits the ability to prepare and is an extemporaneous validation of friendship and the coolness factor if you will. Upon entering the brownie’s Camry or Accord, the white person shall make a squishy face as to say “I smell something funky but I’m not really surprised.” This face is your sign to quickly realize that they don’t appreciate the smell (as noted from a previous entry) permeating their clothes to attack even the strongest of laundry detergents scents. Spray some air freshener (but not too much) or open the windows immediately so they white person can start breathing again….do it already! Now, when the white person has situated themselves comfortably in the shotgun seat, the brown person will inevitably turn on the music without being aware of what’s in-store for the listeners. This is when the funsies funsify.

If the brownie is uneducated in the culture of white music, then a typical filmi soundtrack shall blast from the speakers and the brownie will start singing not realizing soon enough the other person’s skin color is white and does not understand “It’s the time to disco!!” At this point the whitey has turned down the tunes and unloaded a plethora of Indian movie related questions. “What’s a disco? Oh you mean a club. Have I seen this movie? Was that really hot Miss Universe in it? Have you ever heard of [Insert random Indian song white person knows]?”

In order to be prepared for such a test of coolness, you should make sure to follow these guidelines:

Step 1) To placate this gush of questions, the Indian person shall need their very own safety CD which has the most Whiticized Indian music you can find. The track listing will always include at least these two songs:

• Punjabi MC feat Jay Z – Mundian To Bach ke
• Magoo – Indian Flute

Step 2) After the soundtrack has slowly changed from Bollywood to remixes to pop-culture, whitey shall be more remit to disengage their pursuit of Indian Music knowledge and more apt to resume a normal dialogue. This is when the brownie strikes…use this opportunity to discuss your knowledge of white music. Use the following names as backup:

• Coldplay
• Dave Matthews Band
• Counting Crows
• Journey
• Radiohead
• Maroon 5

Step 3) Stop singing every song at the top of your lungs. White people enjoy listening to the artists sing, not potential Sanjayas. They may even ask you “Who sings this song?” as a setup for the punch line “Let’s keep it that way.”

With this knowledge stored safely in the bowls of your curried brain, you will be able to validate the friendship out of a rather precarious situation for the white person. Remember to say “Dude” as many times as possible during this conversation as well.

Happy White Friending!